Being an adult means making a bunch of little choices and decisions. What will we have for dinner? Which school? Which medical aid? Which of the three plumbers who all said Tuesday? Rye bread or wheat bread? By Friday night, deciding where to go and rest feels like a cruel joke. Hence this short guide to choosing your first retreat, written by someone who once spent half an hour picking a toothbrush.
Bliss & Stars is a 1,350-hectare property on the Doring River in the Cederberg. All retreats are hosted here. There are never more than ten guests, and there is no phone signal. Fair warning: most people book a retreat for the person they hope to be by Sunday morning, and by the first night they’re quietly wondering whether they made the right choice. Because, well, what if? No worries, it’s totally normal and wears off soon enough.The questions and answers below will help you decide which retreat is right for you.
How much talking can you handle?
This is the one first-timers most waver on, because it’s the one they most secretly want and are a little scared of. There’s something nerve-racking about giving up talking for a few days. On the Silent Retreat, guests commit to not talking, reading or listening to music during their stay. Phones get relegated to a drawer, and the days unfold with sitting, walking and eating without chit-chat. Most people expect the no-talking to be the hard bit, and it turns out to be the easy bit. The hard bit is the first night, when you realise just how noisy your mind is and how tired your body is. By the second morning your bullshit detector slowly kicks in, and you notice the stories your mind is spinning: I’m behind, everyone here is doing this right, I really should’ve chosen the stargazing retreat. And you realise very few of these stories are true. You don’t need years of meditation experience to join. You just need to be willing to spend a few days with yourself, the birds and the dassies.
How attached are you to those little bars?
The property has no phone signal and no Wi-Fi. If you really need to be reachable for something urgent, let us know before you arrive and we’ll sort something out.
Are you coming by yourself or with your partner?
The Couples Retreat is about the two of you, without the usual distractions. Phones are off, the chores stay at home, and nobody else needs an answer from you. What’s left is something most couples rarely get: time to talk and, more to the point, to listen. Many find they have more to say to each other than they expected: where you want to live in ten years, the trip you’ve been putting off, what you’d do with a year off. One small tip: if one of you is quietly hoping for silence and the other is hoping for lots of talking, figure that out before you book, not over the soup on night one.
Do you want the nights more than the days?
Some people come to the Cederberg for the days and the sunshine, others for the nights and the stars. Orion’s Odyssey is all about the night: stargazing evenings at the 20-inch telescope with Heine (he has a background in astrophysics), San rock art and their star stories, and an astronomical menu with each course capturing the night sky through flavours, textures and scents. It’s the most social of the retreats and a good first choice if you’d rather be curious than still. Don’t worry about the late nights. Out here your body decides when it’s bedtime, not the itinerary, so most people go to bed earlier than they intended and the afternoons turn into naps.
Or do you just want to stop?
Then there are the people who would rather skip the telescope and the profound conversations. They still want a practice, just not one that feels like homework or like another hack designed to make them feel better. What helps is something simpler: a few unhurried practices that let the body unwind. And they want to lie in bed at one in the afternoon without the tiniest twinge of guilt that they should be doing something. In which case, you’ll want Rest & Thrive or the Do Nothing Retreat.
What about coffee and the drive?
The drive from Cape Town is about four and a half hours. And yes, we don’t serve any coffee here. Coffee is a stimulant, meant to keep you going, and you’re here to rest. We’re trying to create a space where your body can remember how to rest, and caffeine makes that difficult. Mornings offer cacao and rooibos infusions. If you’re a four-cups-before-lunch kind of person, cut down gradually over the week before you arrive rather than discovering what caffeine withdrawal feels like.
And if you still can’t decide?
You don’t have to decide on your own. Whatever retreat you pick, you’ve already made the hard choice: four and a half hours from Cape Town, no phone signal, a river and lots of time to do nothing. And if you’re still stuck but quietly desperate to get out there, send us an email and we’ll help you decide.
